Probiotics did it!

End of the gassy days for Nolan!!! Nolan has been suffering with pain due to gas and bloating every day since week 2 and i was not able to find any solution to this problem... we tried everything, gas meds, massage, laying on his tummy, warm towels, and even more that I can't remember. Our doc said we need to wait until he grows out of it. That was happening almost every day, around 6pm.

I could not accept the fact that there was nothing we could do for him, to ease his pain. Nolan would cry loud, and I could see in his eyes how much that was hurting... i felt really helpless.

I read in a magazine about the same problem one mom had with her baby and she tried to use probiotics. I'm thinking that it's totally worth trying... and it worked really well. He had no more gas, bowel movements are normal and consistent. I'm so happy and thrilled to see him in a good mood and playing. I can't imagine something so simple worked so well, let's hope that it will keep that way.... YEAAAHHH!

Milestones

Nolan has been developing and growing really fast. Now he's almost 2 months, at night I'm able to feed him and then place him in the crib and he'll sleep on his own. Also, he know when feeding time is coming, he'd open his mouth getting ready. He's been smiling and looking in our eyes, and when he looks into your eyes, he's seeing your reaction to him. Just right at this moment as I type, he's laying in our bed and looking up to me, his forehead shows a line when he does that, and sucking his pacifier, I can almost hear him saying: "Mommy, what are you doing?". It's amazing how much 1 month makes so much difference. Now, he's playful, he loves to talk back to you and really loud too!

50 days old

Today Nono is 50 days old. Today i took care of him by myself for the first time and I think I did good, I can do things in my own ways, which makes things easier... I'm starting to get to know him a bit more, what he wants and needs, likes and dislikes. And I guess he's getting to know me better as well. It's good to be feeling a bit more confident, even though I know it's just one day. I took a picture right after he ate, and of course he looks so satisfied.

Tiny toes

Some people mentioned to me that you'll forget that your baby was so small and tiny. To go against that, yesterday I was looking at Nolan and admire his features... of course, admire and stare not just look after all I'm his mommy.

I want to remember how his hands are tiny, his thighs so chubby, his double chin, the dimple he has on his left cheek, the upside down smile when he's upset : ( it's really the cutest thing in the world and the things he does, like shake his head trying to get out of the swaddling. How about smiling while he's sleeping, he gives the cutest smiles when he's dreaming... and I wonder what they dream about, gallons of milk? : ) I guess I want to believe that God is talking to them telling how much he loves them.

He's been much more active, more watchful, he can recognize us and smile. One day, Lawton just came back from work and Nolan heard and saw him, he gave the biggest smile ever. It was so amazing to see the love of the son to the father.

Having a baby changes everything

Having a baby certainly changed how I view life and how much in my life I need to deal, especially in my relationships. Lawton and I realized how many things we need to talk about, how much inpatient we are with each other now, how much we've been arguing too.

It's been a challenging time for me, I realized that my life still needs to be worked on, how i need to change and realized how sinful I am. Many times when I am frustrated, I tend to criticize myself a lot, and try to see what I've been doing wrong and what I should have done differently. I'm not sure why I'm so harsh on myself.

Just yesterday I was sad, Nolan was crying in pain and I just got so sad because I felt helpless to help him... Mom took over and calmed him down, and then I felt so inadequate to take care of him.

I also noticed how distant Lawton and I became. We really need to be intentional to keep close to each other, that's what we'll be trying to do. Lawton is really a good man, understanding and loving to me, a good husband and daddy and we love each other very much.

Being real

I recently heard about one of the sermons from one of my pastors how being real and upfront is so good for our own benefit. We'll grow closer to Jesus and know his character by being real...
Just like Peter and Judas on the last supper when Jesus washed all the disciples feet, Peter first refused and asked Jesus why he was doing that, after all he's the son of God, our Lord. Peter does not just accept the foot washing he wants to understand why Jesus was doing that. Then Jesus said: If you want to be with me, you'll receive this foot washing, it's not what I do but who I am.
Judas, on the other hand, accepts the foot washing even though his heart was in dark, he already chosen to betray Jesus so he does not say anything, just to "look good in front of the other disciples" different than Peter that was exposed especially when he was told he'd deny Jesus 3 times.
Our spiritual growth is that there's no middle point with Jesus, you're either with Peter or you're with Judas. There's no maintaining with Jesus, we're either growing and receiving Jesus or we're rejecting him.

I have no idea what I'm doing

I really don't... at one point i thought i had the hang of it, i thought, how difficult could it be to take care of a baby. I was totally wrong... each day, a new challenge comes. Sometimes i fell myself so unprepared to raise Nolan and I wonder what kind of damage I'm placing in his life already, thoughts like "Am I making him insecure by not attending to his needs or not understanding what he wants?" I know they are pretty resistant, God created them that way, knowing that we (parents) are clueless on how to take care of a baby.
In summary, I've been stretched in so many ways physically, mentally, spiritually, with my relationships.