ETS

Last month, we started going to ETS (Epicentre trainning school). It was a process to go through, I knew the sacrifices that would be necessary (time and energy, Nolan's sleeping deprivation, etc.) but Lawton and I realized that it would be a unique moment that we would be closer to God and see Him in so many different ways.

I've been praying for this, for about a year, I commited to pray for Lawton's faith to grow as a spiritual leader in the family. Now I realized the prayer was also for my own walk with God. Lawton decided to do the ETS before me, I was a bit hesitant thinking about the commitment necessary.

But I know that God has so many ways to reach to us and extend his love. One of the speakers (Floyd Mcclung) preached about the prodigal son. He said he thinks that this boy had a broken spirit, so much pain to be leaving his house in the search for something else outside.

This made me reflect about the miscarriage and how much pain I still feel and how I also feel like running away. But God demonstrated his love to me in this story, how He wants to reach that deep pain and comfort me. Just like the son, in the mist of desperation, remembered his father's love for him, I also remembered the love of the Father for me. He wants to restore my heart so that I can trust Him again and that it takes faith to know He will come through and heal me.

It's a process, I know it will take a while to heal the pain and disappointment. But to know that God loves me and He wants to speak to me, encourage me, tell me that he will never leave me, He's trustworthy, he will heal me because that will allow a transparent relationship with the Father.